


Archangel Fire

by jule1122



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes would die for Michael Guerin, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Descriptions of child abuse, M/M, Michael Guerin would die for Alex Manes, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jule1122/pseuds/jule1122
Summary: Michael should have died five time before he figures out who was saving him
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 30
Kudos: 119





	1. Careless or Unkind

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles are taken from the gorgeous song "When Am I Going to Lose You" by Local Natives. Story title is a misheard lyric from the same song. More details on that in the end notes.
> 
> This story is complete. I broke into chapters because there are some major tonal shifts in the storytelling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael doesn't believe in miracles, but that doesn't stop them from happening to him

Michael couldn’t stop looking at his arm. It didn’t look like a cross, didn’t look like the salvation the priest promised. Michael had never felt pain like this, and he knew it wasn’t over. He could hear the priest chanting while the cross glowed in the flames, ready to mark him again. His foster parents were on their knees praying, begging for the demon to leave him. But he knew their prayers were useless, _he_ was the demon. No matter how many times they burned him, he couldn’t be saved. He would die from the pain first.

He tried to back away when the priest approached him again, leading with the tongs that held the cross, but there was nowhere to go. Michael pushed the priest back with his powers, but he got right back up, screaming about demons and Satan. He reached for Michael’s other arm, and Michael knew he was going to die, covered in cross shaped burns.

And then the priest stepped back, and the cross hit the floor with a bang. Michael looked up and tried to figure out what was happening. There was _something_ between him and the priest. It was a glowing light surrounded by golden flames. For a moment, Michael wondered if there really had been a demon inside, but he wasn’t afraid of the figure.

The priest was cowering, chanting louder and louder, before making a move toward Michael. The figure glowed brighter and appeared to lift its arms up to shield Michael. 

“Archangel Fire,” the priest said in awe before dropping to his knees and crawling backwards out of the room. He grabbed at Michael’s foster parents drawing their attention away from the figure they had been staring at in shock. “The child is blessed. We should not have touched him. Pray God has mercy on our souls.”

And then he was gone. Michael felt safe for the first time in years even as the figure faded away. Two weeks later, once his burn healed, he had a new foster family.

Michael tried to slip quietly in through the back door. He just needed to grab some of the cash he hid in his mattress before meeting Max at the Crashdown for his daily mooning over Liz Ortecho session. As soon as he heard footsteps running down the stairs, he knew he’d made a mistake.

“Where the fuck are my pills, you little bastard?” 

Michael tried to keep the table between him and his foster father. He looked more strung out than normal, and he was a violet asshole on a good day. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Callie?” Michael tried for casual while inching back toward the door.

Steve was desperate and desperation made him fast. He cut off Michael’s escape. “Callie’s a whore, but she knows better than to touch my pills. So I am asking one more time before I wring your filthy ungrateful neck, where the fuck are my pills?”

“I don’t know,” Michael shouted before figuring, fuck it, and flipping the table with his powers. He used the distraction to make another run for the door, but Steve caught his arm and slammed him against the wall.

“You’re going to give me the pills, and then I’m going to snap your neck.”

Michael saw it out of the corner of his eye. The flash of light and the golden flames.

Steve dropped his arm to shield his eyes, “What the fuck?”

But Michael was already running. He ran to the caves and stayed there until it was dark. He wasn’t surprised to find the social worker waiting for him, his few belongings already packed and in the car when he returned.

“Sorry, Miss Barbara, I tried, but I can’t have a thief in my house.” Steve was all apologetic smiles. Michael knew he must have gotten a good fix. “Maybe we’ll try a girl next time. Be nice for Callie to have a sister.”

Michael gave him the finger from the back window as he was driven away.

The hammer hit again, and then his wrist was released. Michael cradled his hand to his chest and thought it was over But when he looked up, Alex’s dad was rearing back, and Michael knew the hammer was coming down on his head this time. He didn’t want Alex to watch him die, but he knew he couldn’t stop it. Alex’s father had lost it, face contorted with rage and Michael knew he didn’t even hear Alex screaming and begging him to stop. But Michael did, and that hurt more than his hand did.

The light was brighter, the angel, Michael knew then it had to be an angel, bigger than before. It blinded Alex’s father, and he droped the hammer. No one moved, and Michael realized Alex was silent for the first time since his dad opened the door. He turned to find Alex frozen, a blank look on his face, before he blinked.

“Run,” he shouted at Michael. “Please, just run.”

And he did

Later when he scrambled to explain to Isobel that he was a killer, as he shoved down every bit of self-preservation he ever had, he saw the angel again. It was faint, barely glowing, golden flames drooping. He didn’t know how, but Michael knew the angel was weeping. 

Michael knew better than to let his guard down, but he’d just kicked Wyatt’s ass, and Hank had never been one to throw the first punch. Hank’s sudden bravery probably had less to do with Wyatt than it did with Michael fucking Hank’s girlfriend in the middle of their date last week, but for Michael that was already a distant memory.

He still shouldn’t have ended up shoved against his truck with Hank pressing a knife against his ribs.

“Give me one good reason not to slice you open right here.”

“I guess life in prison would be a step up for trailer trash like you,” Michael drawled while trying to figure out the best way to disarm him.

“You never did know when to shut your fucking mouth.”

Hank pushed the tip of the knife in just enough to draw blood, and pressed his other arm against Michael’s throat. Michael was beginning to think he’s underestimated Hank when the light appeared from behind him.

The angel glowed brighter until Hank staggered back and ran into the Pony screaming about aliens. Michael didn’t waste his chance, jumping into his truck and driving away before the angel had faded away.

Michael stepped out from behind the jeep and stared at the remains of the prison. His mother was in there. He took a step closer. His mother was in there, and maybe he could still get her out.

He started flinging pieces of the rumble with his powers. He felt the ground rumbling beneath him, but he moved closer and kept trying to dig into the rubble.

“Michael, stop it!” He heard Alex shout. “You’re going to trigger another explosion. You have to stop.”

Michael held his hand out to keep Alex from following him as he kept moving forward. He could tell he was pushing it with his powers, but he couldn’t stop. He had to get to her.

“Michael, she’s gone! You have to stop!”

“Shut up Alex! You don’t understand. I can save her!” He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on reaching her when he was flung backwards. He opened his eyes to find himself back behind the jeep, the angel blocking his view of the prison. He tried to get up, but he couldn’t move, tried to yell at the angel to leave but he couldn’t speak. Then Kyle grabbed him and threw him into the jeep, and he could only watch as they left his mother behind. He heard Kyle muttering about dealing with two suicidal idiots, but he couldn’t focus on anything, but the fire shrinking in the distance even as the angel glowed brighter.


	2. A Shadow Play that We're Cast In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets someone who can explain who has been saving him. The answer isn't what he expects.

Project Shepard has been closed for over a year, Jesse Manes dead for almost as long, when Alex asks Michael to come to dinner along with Max and Isobel. Alex and Michael are friends, but it’s obvious this isn’t a friendly dinner. He’d asked that Liz and Kyle not come, and Alex is nervous, guarded and it’s making Michael anxious. By the time Alex has cleared the table and come back with coffee, Michael is ready to snap.

“So, there is someone I want you to meet,” Alex finally begins. “He is a relative of yours.”

Max and Isobel begin firing questions at him, but Alex just waits, holding Michael’s gaze until they are quiet.

“His name is Sol, Solomon, and I found him while I was doing a side project for the rez.”

Alex does look away then, probably to avoid Michael’s smirk. For someone who has a year left in the military, he takes on a lot of side projects that Michael is pretty sure involve helping people access classified information or evade the government.

“I kept running across references to a mind healer so I went to see him. I asked him for help with a translation and showed him some of the writing from the console. He read it correctly.” Alex looks a little proud, and Michael doesn’t blame him. He’d recovered enough documents while dismantling Project Shepard to develop a working knowledge of their language. Michael takes special delight in Max’s annoyance that Alex still understands it better than he does.

“He didn’t know your families, I’m sorry,” Alex continues. “He was born here in 1950. The rest is his story to tell.”

A week later they’re back at Alex’s house to meet Sol. He’s short and slight, and for a moment Michael flashes back to Caufield. But Sol has a full head of dark hair and skin tanned golden by a life in the sun. As soon as they see him, any doubts are gone. There’s a sense of rightness about being in the room with him, something humming in his blood. He and Max and Isobel grip each other’s hands tightly, and try to remember Alex telling them that Sol has lived his whole life on the reservation and will be offended if they stare or make eye contact. Sol must feel the same connection, though, because he opens his arms to them, “It’s ok, come here.”

Once they finally separate and wipe their eyes, Sol tells them his story. His parents came on a scout ship about a year before the crash, one of several that left to find a new home as war ravaged their planet. They thought their people would be safe on the reservation where their abilities were accepted. But the ships that followed crashed and Earth was abandoned as a prospect. Sol’s parents didn’t know if any of the other scout ships found suitable planets or what happened to the rest of their people. Once his parents died, Sol believed he was the only alien left on Earth.

They start meeting with Sol every week, always at Alex’s. He tells them the stories his parents told him of their home planet. It helps to know what parts of them are alien and what is just them. He helps them sort through the truth and lies of what Noah told them. He agrees they all have the ability to use different powers, but says it is normal to focus on what comes most naturally.

“After all,” he says with a teasing glint in his eye,” everyone is capable of singing, but not everyone sounds as good as Alex when they do.”

Alex looks up from the other side of the room and blushes. If Sol wasn’t seventy years old, Michael would hate watching the way he flirts with Alex. It baffled all of them at first. After the initial hug, Sol is reserved with them. But he always relaxes around Alex. Michael figures that’s why Alex always stays with them. Never interrupting or even taking part in their discussions, but staying in the background, bringing drinks or taking one of them aside when it seems like they needed a break. From the way Sol gently teases him and tries to draw him into the conversations, Michael knows he isn’t the only one who is happier when Alex is around.

Isobel, of course, is the one to ask. “What’s with you and Sol? He’s so much more comfortable around you.”

Alex shrugs. “Sol might be an alien, but he grew up on the reservation. You three are still outsiders. He knew me from before.”

“Alex’s mother used to bring him to the reservation.” Sol adds as he enters the room. “He was a kind, bright boy who grew into a kinder, brilliant man despite being raised by a monster.”

“Sol,” Alex looks away.

“He’s gone now. You don’t have to be afraid or ashamed. You don’t have to carry his sins. It’s time to be free.” Sol holds Alex’s gaze for a moment before turning away. “Now come children, we have work to do.”

It gets easier once Sol starts taking all of them into the mindscape. He says that’s how his parents showed him their planet, and as a mind healer, he’s comfortable there. In the mindscape he can show them concepts human language isn’t designed to explain. They usually worked as a group, but he also spends time with Isobel, helping her understand her power.

It takes a few months for Michael to work up the courage to ask him about the angel. He’s never spoken about to anyone, but he hopes Sol might be the one person who will know what he saw. He waits until Max and Isobel have already left. Sol doesn’t ask him why he lingers, just sits patiently waiting. Alex goes into the kitchen and begins loudly washing dishes.

“Guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought,” Michael runs a hand through his hair. “I wondered if our people could appear to each other, but not in the mindscape. More like a spirit. Maybe an angel?”

“No?” Sol doesn’t sound sure. “I don’t understand.”

“I saw, at least I think I saw, an angel protecting me. A few times” Michael feels stupid saying it out loud.

Sol just nodds. “Show me.”

Michael lets Sol into his mind and shows him his memories of the angel. He feels Sol following the memories, but the feeling is familiar enough now that he doesn’t fight it. When he opens his eyes, Sol is smiling.

“It’s your,” Sol carefully enunciates the Antarian word so Michael will understand.

“What, no.” Michael is sure he has misunderstood. “I don’t have a soulbond.”

Soulbonds are an amplified version of the natural psychic awareness they all have of each other. Max and Isobel have one. It’s why Michael can feel Max and Isobel, and they can feel him, but Max and Isobel can communicate more directly with each other and move easily into each other’s mindscape. Sol had explained soulbonds are common especially among siblings. Having only his parents with him, he’d never had one, and they hadn’t found any evidence Michael did either. According to Sol, they are often formed later in childhood, but that as twins Max and Isobel’s bond would have formed early.

“You have a bond, it’s just not with Max or Isobel.”

“How is that possible? I’ve never felt anyone else in my head. Just my mother for those few seconds. Was it her?” It almost feels like too much to hope that his mother had been with him the whole time.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t your mother.” Sol takes his hand and briefly bows his head.

“Then who is it? And why didn’t I know?”

“You never felt the bond because it is incomplete. I don’t understand how it formed at all. I know bonds have formed with humans, but never as children.”

Michael notices Sol keeps looking toward the kitchen. “No,” Michael shakes his head. “It can’t be Alex. This started before I met him.”

Sol smiles again and calls Alex into the room. “I need to look for a memory. Is that alright?”

Alex nods, but Michael reaches out and grabs his arm. “You don’t have to let him. You can say no.”

Alex looks surprised by Michael’s concern. “Sol wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. Besides, he’s done it before. I trust him to be careful.”

Michael doesn’t like the idea of anyone in Alex’s head, but Alex sits across from Sol and takes his hands without another word. It feels like only a few seconds pass before they both open their eyes. 

“I’d like to show Michael now,” Sol asks.

Alex nods again, and Sol reaches for Michael’s hand.

 _Alex runs into the cave. It’s dark and cold and he’s so scared._ Michael feels his terror. Feels his own shock when he sees how small Alex is. 

_Alex comes to a stop as soon he sees them. Dinosaur eggs! That’s the first thing he thinks when he sees glowing shapes. He approaches slowly and sees they hold kids like him, not dinosaurs. He steps closer, holding his breath, but nothing happens. “Hey,” he whispers, but they don’t respond. He notices two of the kids are facing each other, but the third is looking right at him. He moves closer and holds his hand out near the egg, reaching for the boy. It feels warm. Alex stands there staring at the boy for a long time. Finally, he feels brave enough to touch it. He puts his hand against the egg, closest to where he thinks the boy’s hands are. Alex smiles when the egg glows just a little bit brighter. He feels safe. When he’s too tired to stay awake, he pulls the small blanket his father gave him out of his backpack and curls up as close as he can to the egg. He watches the boy as long as he can until the warmth and gentle light lull him to sleep. Before he runs out of the cave at first light, he whispers “Thank you.”_

When he opens his eyes, Alex is staring at him, tears streaming down his face. “I forgot. Oh my God, how did I forget?”

“Alex, look at me,” Sol draws his attention. “You were a child. You didn’t do anything wrong. Can you tell us what you remember?”

Alex takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes. “After my mom left, my dad started survival training. He would drop me off at night with a bag of supplies and come back for me in the morning. The first night he left me, I was so scared. I was just wondering around, terrified of the dark and how cold it was getting. I was six years old, I don’t know what he expected me to do. But I got lucky, and I found the caves and the pods, but I thought they were dinosaur eggs,” he laughs but it sounds almost hysterical. “I am so sorry, Michael. I forgot.”

“Hey, hey it’s ok,” Michael’s drawn out of his stupor by Alex’s distress. “You were just a kid. I knew your father was cruel, but Jesus” And that thought makes Michael sick. Alex alone in the desert so young, he easily could have died.

“I felt so safe by your pod. I slept there, next to you. I think I went back four or five times. I thought you were my guardian angel. That’s what my mom told me when she left, that the angels would protect me. I was so afraid I was going to die that first night, and then I found you so I thought you were an angel. And then one night I went to the cave, and the pods were empty. I ran as far as I could, and never went back. I thought it was my fault. I thought maybe my father had followed me and had taken you away. I was so afraid to ask that I just forgot it ever happened. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Michael notices Alex is starting to breath heavily so he stops him. “I’m glad, ok, I’m so glad I could protect you even if it was just by floating near you. Don’t be sorry.”

“I think that is enough for today,” Sol squeezes both their hands. “I will stay here tonight, and Michael, you come back tomorrow, and we will talk more.

Michael agrees, grateful Alex wouldn’t be alone. He leaves as Sol is speaking softly to Alex. He knows it’s ridiculous, he’s never felt the bond, but it hurts leaving Alex behind.

He shows up late the next morning, jittery after a restless night. Alex looks like he also hasn’t slept. He answers the door in sweats, using his crutch, the prosthetic nowhere in sight.

“So boys,” Sol begins once they are all seated. “From what I can see in Alex’s memories and Michael’s mind, Michael must have been able to sense Alex in the caves. His soul reached out, perhaps to provide comfort, perhaps seeking company. Alex felt this and responded to the sense of protection he felt by vowing to protect Michael in turn.” Sol smiles at Alex. “It was a child’s promise, but made with the purest intent.”

“What does that mean?” Michael asks.

“When you are in grave danger, your soul calls to Alex. The angel you saw was a manifestation of his protection, a physical projection of his vow to protect you.”

“What are you talking about? What angel?” Alex looks even more confused, and Michael remembers he hadn’t been there when Michael asked Sol about the angel.

Sol inclines his head, and Michael knows what he needs to do. “Let me show you.” He takes Alex’s hand and thinks about Steve and racist Hank. Those memories are the easiest to share. There is no way he’s dragging Alex back to the shed or Caufield.

When he pulls back, Alex’s eyes are wide and his hands are shaking. “That wasn’t me. I would _remember_. I’m not an angel.”

“”No, you’re not an angel, but that was you.” Sol’s quiet certainty catches Alex’s attention. “I don’t know why you don’t remember. To be honest, I have never heard of a soulbond like this. Not among my people, not in all the bonds my parents showed me and taught me about. Even in the records you found of the bonds formed with humans, they are not like this. No bond has ever been described as leading to a physical manifestation like this. It may be because you are human or because the bond is incomplete. But I think it is just you, Alex.”

Alex looks like he wants to ask more questions, but Michael knows exactly what Sol means. If there is anyone whose desire to protect is fueled by pure intent, it’s Alex. He would find a way to defy all limitations of humanity to fulfill his promise. He looks at Alex and thinks about the angel, and he doesn’t have any doubts. “You’re beautiful,” he breathes. “In any form.

When Alex blushes, he looks so young, like the boy Michael fell in love with. A horrible thought occurs to him, and he turns to Sol. “Did I do that to him? Did I make him love me?” he asks urgently.

“No, no,” Sol hastens to assure him. “That is not how a bond works. The word, soul, that is human word, and you’re giving it human meaning. It’s not romantic or spiritual. There is no true human word for what the bond is. It is a meeting of the unconscious consciousness. Even in the closest bond, it is an awareness of feelings, not an absorption or influence. You can sense feelings through the bond,but it can’t make you feel anything. And in your case, it was only the strongest of feelings, fear for your life, that Alex could feel.”

Michael breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re sure?” he asks again because he has to.

“Your feelings for each other are real. You fell in love because you found in each other what made you happy. That had nothing to do with the bond. As I’ve told you, most bonds are between siblings or at least relatives. A bond between lovers is extremely rare. Although I can’t say I am surprised. For a bond as unique as yours to form, your souls,” Sol makes a face at the word, “must be unusually compatible.”

Both Michael and Alex look away. Michael has no idea how to respond to that, but it’s Alex who breaks the silence. “You said the bond was incomplete. What happened?”

“Michael reached for you, and you were able to hold on. But as a human, you aren’t capable of reaching back. Michael was in stasis, and even if he hadn’t been, he was too young to have been taught how to guide your soul to his. So the bond only goes one way.”

“So what do we do?”

“Nothing,” Sol shrugs. “I don’t feel comfortable interfering with such an unusual bond. It isn’t hurting either of you; nothing should change because you are aware of it.” He turns to Michael with a smile. “Try not to die and live your lives.”

But Michael can’t leave it alone. He’s had Alex with him for years, protecting him, and he never knew. He keeps poking around in his head trying to find the bond. Isobel would help him if he asked, but he hasn’t told her or Max about the bond. It feels too personal, something for just him and Alex, and they still haven’t found a way to talk about it.

He pokes and prods and frustrates himself for weeks. Finally he forces himself into his own mindscape, and painstakingly goes through every second of the night with Hank at the Pony. He focuses on the moment the angel appears, fighting not to be distracted because the angel is breathtakingly beautiful and, now that Michael knows, so undeniably Alex that all he wants to do is bask in his light. He makes himself look away, scanning his mind until he finds it, the part of him that called to Alex. A gentle pulse that he knows he can follow. It would be so easy to just reach through and bring Alex to him. But as much as he wants to, he doesn’t. 

He leaves the mindscape, grabbing his phone and sending a text before he can change his mind. “I found the bond. I think I can complete it.”

“OK,” is all Alex sends back. 

“That’s not an answer.” Michael tries again. “What do you want?”

“Come over. Just let yourself in.”

It’s not until he gets to Alex’s house that he realizes how late it is. He finds Alex in his bedroom, sitting up against the headboard, but it’s obvious Michael woke him up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was.” Michael runs a nervous hand through his hair. “I should go.”

“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t feel like dealing with all that again,” Alex gestures to where his prosthetic and crutch lean against the wall. He motions for Michael to join him on the bed. “So?”

“I’ve been looking for the bond, and I can see it now. I know it sounds crazy, but as soon as I saw it, I knew what to do.”

“Let’s do it then,” Alex reaches for his hand.

“Just like that?” Alex doesn’t look worried or freaked out, and Michael doesn’t understand why. “You realize if I can complete the bond, I can probably figure out how to break it too.”

“Why would I want that?” Alex looks puzzled. “Michael, I was able to protect, save you, even if I didn’t know I was doing it. Why would I ever give that up?”

“We can just leave it alone. Keeping the bond is a lot different than letting me in your head and getting a good look at mine.” He has better control now than he did when Iz used to compare his mind to a tornado, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be too much for Alex.

“This is something you’re supposed to have, right. It’s part of who you are.” Alex waits for Michael to nod before continuing. “There’s so much about who you are you will never have, so much that has been taken from you. If I can help you have some of that back. . .”

“Alex, this can’t be a penance for what your family did. You don’t owe me. Your mind, your soul isn’t a sacrifice I want.” Just thinking about it like that makes Michael sick. He starts to get up, but Alex stops him.

“Michael, that’s not what I meant. I want this. I want it for me, and I want it for us. If I knew what to do in the cave that night, the bond would have been completed then. That has nothing to do with anyone but the two of us. I want to share this with you.”

“You’re sure?”

“I promise. I want this.”

Michael looks into his eyes. He doesn’t see any doubt, just hope and determination. He reaches for Alex’s hands and closes his eyes. Going back into his mindscape, he looks for the bond. This time it’s easy to find. He lets it guide him until he can see Alex. Michael reaches out, and Alex follows. 

When Michael opens his eyes, he knows it worked. He can feel Alex. He’s there with him, like he belongs, like he’s always been there. Alex is watching him, eyes blown open, a look of wonder on his face. 

“Thank you,” Michael whispers when he can breathe again.

Alex just shakes his head, still looking at Michael in amazement. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t think I can let you go yet.”

Michael doesn’t know if he would be able to leave even if Alex wants him to. Would probably end up sitting in his truck in the driveway. He hates letting go of Alex’s hands long enough to take off his boots and jeans. They both breathe a sigh of relief once Michael slided under the covers with Alex. They don’t speak at all, just fall asleep facing each other and holding hands. They’ve only spent a handful of nights together over the years, and Michael cherishes every one. But none have felt as intimate as this.

The bond changes nothing and everything. Michael doesn’t know what he expected, but he can’t read Alex’s mind or hear his thoughts; they can’t even communicate directly through the bond. But it fills a hole in Michael he never knew was there. It’s worth every fondly judgemental look Sol throws him while he teaches them about shielding and boundaries. 

The bond settles Michael in a way he doesn’t expect. He can go days without feeling anything from it, but just knowing it’s there, knowing _Alex_ is there, grounds him. It takes him a few weeks to work up the courage to ask Alex how it feels for him, if the chaos that fills Michael’s mind invades his. Alex takes his time, looking at Michael thoughtfully before answering, “I think it’s comforting.” 

The biggest challenge is figuring how, and if, they should respond to each other’s emotions. Only stronger emotions are felt through the bond, but that doesn’t mean it’s something they need to act on. Michael usually finds himself smiling when he feels a burst of joy through the bond, a bright spot in his day; he hopes it’s the same for Alex. 

Anger and sadness are harder to ignore. They both learn not to react unless the feeling lingers. When Michael spends a day seething in frustration, Alex will send him text, sometimes a joke or a picture of the stars, sometimes just a question mark. He returns the favor when he wakes up feeling the panic and disorientation of Alex’s nightmare. The texts are an invitation that can be ignored, acknowledged with a simple “thanks” or sometimes start a two hour phone conversation. After some of the longest nights, Michael wakes up to coffee and breakfast waiting for him on the driver’s seat of his truck.

He thinks of some of the fights they’ve had, how they couldn’t hear what the other was saying over the sound of their own pain, how it’s easier now. When Alex is finally discharged for the Air Force, Michael can feel his overwhelming relief. He lets that guide him and celebrates with Alex and their friends without making the guilt he feels over Alex’s reenlistment part of the night. Michael still has days where he thinks of his mother, and all he has lost; days that leave him feeling like he is drowning in anger. Alex learns to offer comfort without trying to take responsibility, to care for Michael without beating himself up. 

The worst part for Michael is realizing how much pain Alex is in. It’s the feeling he gets most often through the bond, and he hates it. Sometimes he’s in the same room with Alex, and if it wasn’t for the bond, he would have no idea Alex is uncomfortable, let alone in enough pain for Micahel to feel it. He never tells Alex for fear he’ll shut him out completely, but he studies Alex carefully, learning the subtle clues in his body language that he is having a bad day. Michael always thought he could read Alex, but he now he’s rethinking that and wondering what other pain Alex hides. He does what he can without tipping Alex off, finding ways to get Alex to sit or relax. Valenti may also be receiving a lot of anonymous information about prosthetic advances. He knows it’s nothing that can be healed, but he wants to make it better. 

The nightmare that wakes him up isn’t any worse than the others he’s shared with Alex in the past six months. Michael feels like he can’t move, and he has a deep sense of resignation rather than panic that tells him Alex was dreaming about his injury rather than his father. Once Alex’s emotions have settled, Michael reaches for the phone. Before he can type anything, he’s hit with a sense of panic that is all his own. The next thing he knows he’s in his truck and driving because he can’t think, but he knows he needs to get to Alex.

Michael isn’t surprised when Alex opens the door before he reaches it, leaning heavily on his crutch, looking tired and worried. He can’t imagine what he’s sending through the bond.

“Hey, what’s wrong, what happened?”

“Alex,” Michael hugs him, buries his face in his chest, needing to feel him, to remember he’s alive. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Alex stops his babbling with a hand gently turning his face up, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Whatever it is, it will be okay.” He guides them to the couch, but Michael can’t sit.

“I didn’t think, how did I not know, why don’t you hate me,” he paces in front of Alex. “I could have saved you,” he gestures at Alex’s leg. “I should have saved you, and I didn’t.”

“Michael, no,” Alex looks as gutted as Michael feels. “This isn’t on you. I would never think that.”

“Why not?” Michael runs a hand through his hair. “You were there, you were there when I needed you even if we didn’t know about the bond. You saved me before we even knew each other. And when I would have done anything to protect you, I couldn’t.”

‘No,” Alex says again. “We don’t even know how this works for you if it would be the same. And even if it was, it wouldn’t matter. When I, when I lost my leg, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn't afraid because there was no warning. We were driving, and then we weren’t. Just like that, it was over. Even if I could have called for you, I wouldn’t have. There is nothing you could have done. I promise.”

Before Michael can argue, Alex reaches out for Michael to help him up. “It’s been a rough night for both of us. Come lay down with me. We can try to get a few hours sleep. Please.”

Michael knows Alexis trying to distract him, but can feel and see how exhausted Alex is so he follows him to the bedroom. As he takes off his boots and pants, he can’t help but think of the last time he stayed here. But there is no feeling of completeness as he joins Alex in the bed, just a crushing sense of failure.

“You did save me.” Alex waits until Michael turns to face him before continuing. “War is horrible and it’s random. Snipers and bombs don’t care if you have a family waiting for you, or if you joined up because you had nothing to lose. But the rest of the time, having something to hold on to is what saves all of us. You need something to hold on to, a home to go back to. I had you, and you have no idea how much I needed that. I wanted to win, I told you that. And the more I won at war, the more I lost myself, the more I became my last name. I lost so much of myself, Michael, but the parts I did hold on to were because of you. I remembered that you loved me; I remembered how you looked at me and how you made me feel. And holding on to that, reminded me that before I learned to be a perfect soldier, you saw something in me worth loving.”

“Alex, stop,” Michael wipes a tear from Alex’s face. He doesn’t want this, doesn’t need Alex ripping himself apart to comfort him.

“You deserve to know what you did for me.” Alex smiles and leans into Michael’s touch. “When I lost my leg, I wasn’t sure I would be rescued in time. And there was a part of me that just wanted to let go, for it to be over. But I kept seeing your face. I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want the last time we spoke to be an argument. I thought if I could just hold on, I could come home and tell you I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. That I was sorry for leaving at all, and that I loved you. That is what kept me alive that day. So you did save me, Michael. You never needed the bond to do that, you were enough.”

Michael wipes his own eyes. “Thank you,” he whispers. There is so much he wants to say, but Alex is right, it has been a rough night, and while he wouldn’t have thought it possible, he drifts off to sleep.

When he wakes up, he finds they’ve moved even closer in their sleep, and Alex is still watching him. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Yeah, I just woke up a few minutes ago.” Alex reaches out to brush a curl off Michael’s forehead, and Michael turns to press a kiss into his palm. He hears Alex’s breath catch.

“Michael,” he says, almost as a warning. “Last night was a lot. I don’t want you to confuse”

“I know what I feel, Alex,” Michael cuts him off.

“Do you?”

Michael’s never been more sure. Hell, he will get Sol to certify that all his feelings are his and his alone if he needs to, but he hopes it won’t come to that. He asks Alex a question instead. “You said you wanted to come home and tell me you loved me. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I lost my nerve I guess. Declaring my undying love to you seemed a lot more romantic when I was bleeding out in the desert than when I was in rehab unable to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and waking up screaming from nightmares or from pain in a leg that wasn’t there,” Alex stops looking at Michael.

Michael has never wanted to fling himself back in time more than he does in that moment. He wants to be there with Alex, to find a way to make it even the slightest bit better.

As if sensing Michael’s thoughts, Alex turns his attention back to him. “It’s okay.” And damn if Michael isn’t really tired of hearing him say that.

“Once I got back,” Alex continues, “all that urgency seemed so far away. And once finally saw you, you were so _angry_ , and my dad was there. I don’t deal with either of those things well, so when you put them together,” Alex shrugs.

Michael winces. He’s said a lot of shitty things to Alex over the years, but that first conversation is one he regrets more than most. “Anger’s easy,” he tries to explain. “It’s like a shield, you know, keeps people back, protects me. But I don’t need to be protected from you Alex, I don’t want to be. I love you.”

“You have to be sure,” Alex bites his lip, but doesn't look away.

“I love you, Alex,” Michael repeats, this is too important to be anything but completely clear. “Bond or no bond, I love you. I’m tired of screwing this up. I want to be with you. What do you want?”

“I want to come home.”

Michael holds out his arms. He feels like his heart is beating out of his chest. It only takes Alex a second to reach him, but it feels like an eternity. Alex buries his face in Michael’s neck and whispers “I love you, I love you,” over and over again. Michael holds him as close as he can, promising to never let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title and inspiration for this whole story came from listening to Local Native's "When Am I Going to Lose You." I love the song and it always makes me think of Malex. This is the part that wouldn't leave me, words bolded to show were it all went wrong:  
> I remember the trees summoned down  
> Like an archangel **choir**  
>  And the ocean was all we could see  
> And I knew that I wanted you
> 
> For the longest time what I heard was:  
> I remember the trees summoned down  
> Like an archangel **fire**  
>  And the ocean was all we could see  
> And I knew that I wanted you
> 
> Every time I heard Archangel Fire, I pictured Alex as an avenging angel protecting Michael. By the time I realized it was an archangel choir, it was too late. I was obessed.


	3. Between Belief and Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: Michael gets his change to save Alex

**3 Years Later**

Alex is beginning to regret leaving his Christmas shopping until the last minute. Spending the holiday at the cabin is a tradition he and Michael both love, but the long drive in the dark and freezing rain is hell on his nerves and his leg. Luckily as he gets closer to the cabin, traffic dies off so he’s able to set a slow, but safe pace.

About twenty minutes from the cabin, he notices a semi truck coming from the opposite direction. When he sees it lose control, he knows there is nothing he can do. 

He’s not afraid. Alex hasn’t been afraid to die in years, but he is sorry. Sorry to be leaving Michael so soon. He thinks about love, and hopes that is all Michael will feel through the bond. 

The lights of the truck are blinding, coming impossibly fast, and he braces for impact. Then there’s nothing.

Alex opens his eyes. His car is stopped, not moving, but it hasn’t been hit. The truck is on the other side of the road again about a quarter mile back the way it came. And Michael, _Michael_ , is standing in the middle of the road in front of Alex’s car. Alex blinks expecting him to disappear, but when he looks again, he’s still there.

Michael runs to the car and throws open the driver’s doors. He hugs Alex tightly, frantically running his hands over his head, his shoulders. “Are you ok? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Alex rushed to reassure him. “But how are you here?”

“I have no idea,” Michael shakes his head and laughs a little hysterically. “But we should probably get out of here before”

“Before the truck driver tries to figure out what happened and remembers my teleporting alien husband appearing out of nowhere?”

“Yeah, something like that. You good to drive?”

Alex shakes his head. He hands Michael the keys and lets him walk him to the passenger side. They don’t speak on the way home. Alex knows Michael will use his powers to keep them on the road if necessary so he doesn’t object to the tight grip he keeps on Alex’s hand. Alex doesn’t know if he could let go even if Michael needed him to.

Once they are in the cabin, Michael is all over him, pressing him against the wall, kissing his face, his neck, touching every part of him he can. When he reaches for his belt, Alex stops him. He _wants_ , but he needs Michael with him, not out of his mind with fear.

“What the fuck happened?” he asks. “How were you there?

“I don’t know, man.” Michael takes a step back, but he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet. “One minute I was here, and the next thing I know I’m pushing the truck down the road with my mind. That’s insane, even for me.”

“I don’t understand,” Alex shakes his head, trying to process. He’s appeared as Michael’s angel once since they completed the bond, and he’d still been completely unaware of it happening. This is so much more. “How is that possible?”

“Cosmic love, baby. The laws of physics, space and time are nothing in the face of that.”

Alex can feel the adrenaline still thrumming through Michael so he smiles at his cockiness. “You’re amazing, and I love you.” He puts his hands on Michael’s shoulders, trying to settle him. “Are you ok, though?” Normally using that amount of power would have Michael exhausted and on his second bottle of acetone. “I can get you a drink.”

He feels the moment the fight leaves Michael, and he sags a bit against Alex’s hands. “Nah, I’m good. But how about we don’t try that again. Ever.”

Alex steps forward and leans his forehead against Michael’s. He brings his hands up to stroke his hair, and Michael wraps his arms around his waist. “Ok,” Alex agrees in a whisper. They stay that way for a few minutes, just breathing each other in.

Reluctantly, Alex pulls back. “I should get the bags from the car, lock up.”

Michael shakes his head. “Forget it darlin, let’s go to bed. I need to hold you.” Michael cocks his head to the side and holds out his hand. “Let me take care of you.”

Alex feels the last bit of tension and fear leave both of them as he takes Michael’s hand. He thinks of the night they completed the bond, and the vow he’d made to himself. He’d never told Michael. He hadn’t needed to; Michael knew. 

When Michael reaches for him, Alex will always follow.


End file.
